I drank my coffee. And did a freaking lot of math. Then i went on facebook and saw a picture of a guy with boots and a stick herding his cows down a lane in the middle of a field. I suddenly need to get chased by thirty cows in an English field again.

Ania is turning six today. I think it should be against the rules for baby sisters to turn six.

There's a VW van out there in the rain. VW vans are always charming. But this one is definitely the most uncharmingest one out there.

What's weird is that at Ania's little birthday party tonight Papa-Do won't be there. It'll be weird to not go ask him if he wants ice cream with his cake. It's weird to see his truck in Gramma's garage and think that it doesn't mean he's home.

It's frustrating not to get to say good-bye. And it's frustrating not to have anything to process. I have this feeling that there's something I need to think about and figure out and get straight in my little mind and then it'll all be good again. But not really. He had a heart attack and didn't make it and that's that.

It's one of those things that you really don't get, but at the end of the day you come to the conclusion that God's still a whole lot bigger than the yuck of life.

So life is happy anyways, and the good hings are more than the nasties and I smile and eat ice cream and roll the car windows down and vaccumn my house.