There came a point where I thought I had it together. I had figured it out. I could move on with life. I had conquered the hurt. I wouldn't need to choose to be happy every day. I just would be. I could focus on others and their hurt. I was over my own problems.
And yes. I have to move on. I have to focus on others. I have to keep it together.
But no. I haven't conquered the hurt. I haven't figured it out. I have to choose to be happy every day.
Because it still hurts. I still get certain sensations in my gut that make me want to puke. They won't leave if I ask them, or if I focus on good things all day, or if I read my Bible, or if I pray, or if I make myself useful, or if I give my compassion to others. They're always there. And they'll be there for a long time.
But at the end of the day, if I can remember that the hurt is not the biggest thing out there, then I will have conquered it. It'll still be there, but a big hurt looks less intimidating when you bring in a bigger God and bigger love.