There came a point where I thought I had it together. I had figured it out. I could move on with life. I had conquered the hurt. I wouldn't need to choose to be happy every day. I just would be. I could focus on others and their hurt. I was over my own problems.

And yes. I have to move on. I have to focus on others. I have to keep it together.

But no. I haven't conquered the hurt. I haven't figured it out. I have to choose to be happy every day.

Because it still hurts. I still get certain sensations in my gut that make me want to puke. They won't leave if I ask them, or if I focus on good things all day, or if I read my Bible, or if I pray, or if I make myself useful, or if I give my compassion to others. They're always there. And they'll be there for a long time.

But at the end of the day, if I can remember that the hurt is not the biggest thing out there, then I will have conquered it. It'll still be there, but a big hurt looks less intimidating when you bring in a bigger God and bigger love.


Annie said...

I love how you said "a big hurt looks less intimidating when you bring in a bigger God and bigger love." It's so neat to be a spectator to the great things God is doing in you even in the hurt and the pain. Excel still more in HIS strength...it never runs out!

abigail said...

I love you, Kaish'. I know God is really working in your heart as He takes you through these valleys.

P.s. I ADORE that picture!

lizziemarie said...

yes yes. pain is our constant companion. every so often it takes vacation but mostly i find something always hurts. sometimes alot, sometimes a little. sometimes it we conquer one pain and then it comes back to visit. The fact that there is pain doesnt mean life is bad or God is bad or that we are doing something wrong, it just is. as you say, we put God's biggerness along side it, we can kinda handle it betterish.........
basically what im saying is Amen sister, and you're not alone.